This = Charlottesville, all other protests/clashes and everything the White House has to say about any of it.
If you read back to some of my posts, and yes I’m too lazy to find the exact ones and link to them…just spend your afternoon reading all of my posts, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it…you’ll see how I sometimes refer to how whack the world has gotten and that it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. So, that’s happening. Still gonna get worse. I do think we have actually hit bottom, but the repercussions haven’t all rippled out yet. They’re starting to. This is where the boiling frustrations are being acted out, which exposes the underlying issues, which creates opportunity for dialog, which eventually leads to healing. It is the theory of chaos and reorganization. A closed system is put under “stress” until it can’t handle it anymore, at which time chaos erupts, the system collapses (to at least some extent) and then the system “learns” from the events and reorganizes in a more resilient way. Welcome to life on planet Earth right now. You can try, but there is no escaping it.
If you want real, actionable answers and explanation, just read every word Brené Brown has ever written and there you’ll find it. You can go to her Facebook and watch her latest live video. It’s a great explanation of what is happening and what we need to do to move towards healing and resolution. The hard part about everything that is happening is that you can’t participate in fixing it unless you are willing to look at yourself under a microscope as well. One of the best parts of the video is pretty short, but it stresses the difference between shame/blame, and accountability. Well really, I don’t know, one of the best parts of the video is the whole video. Every word in it matters.
So today the whole Boston thing went down and I find it really fascinating how this Free Speech group promotes itself and continues to assert that we need to rally to protect free speech. Is it a threat to free speech when most people just don’t want to hear what you have to say? It’s like, you can say whatever you want, but don’t whine that you’re being censored when what is really happening is that nobody wants to listen to you. That is your problem, not theirs. If you are finding that the more you talk about your views about the world and other people, the more things go wrong…like maybe you get fired from your job or your friends don’t want to hang out with you so much or you end up getting divorced…maybe you need to take a look at your belief system and take a good hard look in the mirror. Your belief system creates your life. You are taught beliefs when you are a child but when you are an adult, yay, free will happens! You can change.
I totally understand that everyone wants to be listened to, validated. Everyone wants to feel connection, and when your pain is so deep and your life feels so bad that the only way you can express it all is to blame other people/races/religions, etc…that is not a good place to be stuck. That is a rock and a hard place. That is a lot of pain. But hear this. There are people that will hear your pain. Your pain, your anger, your frustration about your life. But not about how everyone and everything else has fucked up your life, as if you had absolutely nothing at all do do with it.
Yes in fact this is America, land of the free. I am not the first person, by far, to point out that we can’t control the circumstances around us. We can only control ONE thing in our lives, and that is how we react to the circumstances around us. We always have a choice about how we respond. If this gets around I bet I’ll get zillions of comments and stories about, “well this happened to me and I had NO choice…”. That is a valid story, and if someone needs a place to tell it, as long as it’s respectful, sure, go ahead and tell it in the comments.
However, it is an immutable fact. You can choose. There is only one decision to make on a fundamental level. Love or Fear. The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is Fear. So you make that choice. Love or Fear. Be accountable for your own life, and start living your own life today. Stop clinging to the belief that it’s everything or everyone else that is causing your troubles. Find someone to listen to your story. Remember, YOUR story, not your theories or beliefs about other people. Who are you?
Anyone that wants to spread hate, well, it’s your right under the first amendment (again, as long as you don’t incite violence or threats or riots). But you should know that we all see the truth. You can carry a torch or a gun or a stick and scream a mean, hateful slogan so hard that your face turns red and spittle flies out all corners of your mouth. But all we see is a frightened, small child that really needs a hug.
I like to believe we have as a collective on the planet, learned that fear and its hateful manifestations do not bring prosperity or growth to anyone or any group or anything. It has no staying power. Anything that is built on it just eventually self-immolates. I do understand how some people feel it is essential to counter-protest. But today I read something written by a former white nationalist who reformed his beliefs. He said, it would be better to promote what you believe in just a block away from any organized hate rallies or protests. I thought it was brilliant. Get your own permit. Have a festival of peace. A community gathering with fun, rainbows, hearts, games, food trucks, happy singers, pop-up artist fairs, dancing, and invite every race, group, religion, gender, orientation…every community group under the sun. Let the fearful people do their thing a block away. Ignore them, let their hate self-immolate, and get on with the business of Loving One Another.
So the big thing I’ve been preaching on this blog is self-care. Yes, still, the most important thing is treat yourself kindly, eat well, rest, and find ways to decompress during the chaos phase. Deep dive into your own beliefs and change the way you behave if necessary. Be more respectful, more kind to everyone around you. If that feels hard, figure out why? Do your best, and be kind to yourself when you falter, because you will. The more care you give yourself, the more energy you will have to hold space for other people. You will be able to hear someone’s story. Sometimes that’s hard. So get yourself ready and go out into the world and do some of that. Reach out. It’s a lot easier, in the short term, to work up a batch of anger and go out and get in someone’s face. But you’re not helping. Sorry. We have to play for the long term here. For the rebuilding. We have all been chosen to be alive during this extraordinary time, where we are literally shaping the future during an intense evolutionary period. Yay? Sounds good, in a way. Maybe. Sort of. But it’s reality now, so if we all truly do our best, it will be good enough. We are all we’ve got.